I have a few thoughts about "sharing" and other things said in the "best interest" of others and under the guise of prayer requests and just plain ol' gossip. Obviously, just my opinion.
If you must speak, and by "speak" I mean talk, text, email, publish, post, blog and generally speak by your actions towards another person in private or public...
If you must speak:
#1 Make sure you are talking to the right person.
If it's not your story or the story of the person to whom you are speaking, you're talking to the wrong person.
This is really the foundational principle. Every other decision you make will rest on this. "Am I talking to the right person?"
If you cheat or stretch this rule, you will almost always be sorry. Unless you never get caught or have no conscience.
[Let me know if you need more help on this one. I'm being serious - I'm not sure that idea is expressed very clearly. Let me know what you think.]
#2 IF you are talking to the right person, please don't bother hiding behind a prayer request unless you are ready to dedicate time everyday to pray specifically for that person...
AND you are ready to respond to anything God might direct you to do or change as a result of that prayer...
AND you are ready to follow up and continue give your time, talent and treasure to care for this person and others in the days, weeks, months and years to come.
(this could be just the beginning. and that could be a very good thing for all involved. praying for other people is good - and it's very nice to say so. just don't offer be a counterfeiter, that's all.)
#3 IF you are talking to the right person, listen much and speak little. Smile, looked concerned or whatever facial expression seems most appropriate to you at the time and nod. Repeat. Do the same tomorrow.
Offer brief, honest expressions of your sympathy and concern. (eg. "wow - that must have been hard for you." "oh, I'm so sorry." etc.) This does not imply your absolute support for everything she has said or done or everything that has happened. It may just communicate your love and concern. Learn real sympathy - to suffer with your friend.
Earn the right to be heard by respecting your friend's sadness, grief, anxiety, care, burden, anger, humiliation, whatever-it-is. Over time. If you are really listening, it's not your turn to talk yet. She'll let you know - probably a little at a time.
#4 IF you are talking to the right person, be prepared to never speak of it again. To anyone.
That's what confidentiality really means. Look it up if you don't believe me.
[Don't bother me with obvious exceptions: when a person is threatening to hurt themselves or others; other illegal activity. Really? how often is this going to happen in a regular person's lifetime?]
If you really, really want to tell someone else - go ask the right person for permission to tell their story to _____________ (insert name of person you want to tell). I think this includes your spouse.
If you want to be able to use your own judgment about whom you tell, then ask the right person for permission to tell anyone you choose. Really. And use those exact words when you ask. "Is it OK to tell anyone I want? For any reason I think is a good one?"
So I get pretty worked up about this subject. Please, please don't be offended just take anything that's useful to you and leave the rest on the floor. I have been talked about plenty and have certainly done my share of talking. I did it this week, in fact. I'm trying to do better.
For me, that just means talking to the right person. It seems harder, but it's really so much easier. And right-er. And more useful. And more Love.
~L
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
family update
(I've missed at least one update - sorry!) We had a few gray days, cool, windy days early last week. Then one morning rain and POW! everything was GREEN! We've had beautiful spring for many days in a row now. Sunshine and blue skies and temps in the upper 60s and 70s. The trees finally have small leaves.
Speaking of trees, a guy came by the other day out of nowhere and offered to estimate any yardwork I might need to have done. Do you have any idea how much it would cost to take that Large-ish, ugly-ish evergreen that has so many dead limbs out of my front yard? $950! I had no idea. If I want the stump removed (why would I want to keep it, I'm wondering???) They'll take that one and the one from the corner of the house that a previous owner wanted to keep for some reason, for another $150. Wow. It's not really all that ugly...
Alex's cello teacher gave him the prelude from Bach's Cello Suite No 1 to learn for his high school youth symphony audition. It is really cool to hear him play! His teacher offered to work with him a couple of Saturdays before the audition (for no charge) so that he would feel more confident and prepared. So nice.
The boys went with me to run a couple errands after a successful Mary Kay event last Saturday morning and we stopped by the DQ for cones. Our family doctor, back in town after several years in Kenya, was in the parking lot. Nate unfolded himself from the back of the van and was proud to stand about a head taller than Dr Deb! He is taller than all the girls in our house and is outgrowing his jeans. Again. I noticed yesterday that Alex is taller again as well - he just seems to grow more slowly and steadily than Nate so we don't notice as much. He's glad for every fraction of an inch! Mia had her first doggie dish at the Moorhead DQ while were there - they do a little bowl of ice cream with a milk bone on top for our furry people. She was in doggie heaven for about 30 seconds.
Ashlee passed her driver's test early last week and is on the road! She was very excited. Jeff and Marissa met for coffee last week - she is doing well. Enjoying her new apartment - we thinks she likes living on her own. She's been picking up some extra hours at Olive Garden to make a repair on her driver's side car window. It's always something - but she's especially glad for our dry weather!
Jeff and I had a lovely dinner with friends out near Hawley and their son. It doesn't seem possible that he will be graduating from college this spring. He's grown into such a handsome and kind young man. He visited with us over supper and played cards with us after. They have a beautiful place in the country. It was so nice to get out of the city for awhile. When we left it was so dark out there - cool to really see the stars without so much light pollution.
Kathryn played the piano for worship at Salem last Sunday. Her first time there. She really enjoyed it and is pleased to be on the schedule to serve there regularly through this summer.
I've had a nasty cold since about last weekend so I've been working with limited voice all week - but I'm too busy and having too much fun to be sick so I've been alternately running here and there and resting and it seems to be working out just fine! So far no one else has caught it - we're hoping to end the school year strong.
Jeff begins a new schedule at work next week. Due to a change in their scheduling software, he's on days only with longer hours at one time. So he'll be working Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays as a regular schedule, picking up additional hours as they are available. He is still planning to return to school in the fall, but he's looking into some options other than teaching as well. Perhaps something in the healthcare field like physical therapy. Just exploring the options for the second half of the game.
We can hardly believe the end of April is in sight - then we turn the page to May and it's a rush downhill into summer! We're looking forward to a visit from my parents at the end of May, early June for Jamie's graduation. Let us know if your summer travels will bring you this way - we'd love to see you!!
~L
Speaking of trees, a guy came by the other day out of nowhere and offered to estimate any yardwork I might need to have done. Do you have any idea how much it would cost to take that Large-ish, ugly-ish evergreen that has so many dead limbs out of my front yard? $950! I had no idea. If I want the stump removed (why would I want to keep it, I'm wondering???) They'll take that one and the one from the corner of the house that a previous owner wanted to keep for some reason, for another $150. Wow. It's not really all that ugly...
Alex's cello teacher gave him the prelude from Bach's Cello Suite No 1 to learn for his high school youth symphony audition. It is really cool to hear him play! His teacher offered to work with him a couple of Saturdays before the audition (for no charge) so that he would feel more confident and prepared. So nice.
The boys went with me to run a couple errands after a successful Mary Kay event last Saturday morning and we stopped by the DQ for cones. Our family doctor, back in town after several years in Kenya, was in the parking lot. Nate unfolded himself from the back of the van and was proud to stand about a head taller than Dr Deb! He is taller than all the girls in our house and is outgrowing his jeans. Again. I noticed yesterday that Alex is taller again as well - he just seems to grow more slowly and steadily than Nate so we don't notice as much. He's glad for every fraction of an inch! Mia had her first doggie dish at the Moorhead DQ while were there - they do a little bowl of ice cream with a milk bone on top for our furry people. She was in doggie heaven for about 30 seconds.
Ashlee passed her driver's test early last week and is on the road! She was very excited. Jeff and Marissa met for coffee last week - she is doing well. Enjoying her new apartment - we thinks she likes living on her own. She's been picking up some extra hours at Olive Garden to make a repair on her driver's side car window. It's always something - but she's especially glad for our dry weather!
Jeff and I had a lovely dinner with friends out near Hawley and their son. It doesn't seem possible that he will be graduating from college this spring. He's grown into such a handsome and kind young man. He visited with us over supper and played cards with us after. They have a beautiful place in the country. It was so nice to get out of the city for awhile. When we left it was so dark out there - cool to really see the stars without so much light pollution.
Kathryn played the piano for worship at Salem last Sunday. Her first time there. She really enjoyed it and is pleased to be on the schedule to serve there regularly through this summer.
I've had a nasty cold since about last weekend so I've been working with limited voice all week - but I'm too busy and having too much fun to be sick so I've been alternately running here and there and resting and it seems to be working out just fine! So far no one else has caught it - we're hoping to end the school year strong.
Jeff begins a new schedule at work next week. Due to a change in their scheduling software, he's on days only with longer hours at one time. So he'll be working Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays as a regular schedule, picking up additional hours as they are available. He is still planning to return to school in the fall, but he's looking into some options other than teaching as well. Perhaps something in the healthcare field like physical therapy. Just exploring the options for the second half of the game.
We can hardly believe the end of April is in sight - then we turn the page to May and it's a rush downhill into summer! We're looking forward to a visit from my parents at the end of May, early June for Jamie's graduation. Let us know if your summer travels will bring you this way - we'd love to see you!!
~L
wordless wednesday: whiteboard cow
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| whiteboard cow april 21, 2010 The whiteboard cow made our daily announcements (and pronouncements) for about a week. She was succeeded by the whiteboard dragon. Joseph (and his technicolor dream coat) is calling the schedule now. Our whiteboard art is generally initiated by Jamie and assisted by all the boys in the house, but mainly Jeff. |
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