I have a few thoughts about "sharing" and other things said in the "best interest" of others and under the guise of prayer requests and just plain ol' gossip. Obviously, just my opinion.
If you must speak, and by "speak" I mean talk, text, email, publish, post, blog and generally speak by your actions towards another person in private or public...
If you must speak:
#1 Make sure you are talking to the right person.
If it's not your story or the story of the person to whom you are speaking, you're talking to the wrong person.
This is really the foundational principle. Every other decision you make will rest on this. "Am I talking to the right person?"
If you cheat or stretch this rule, you will almost always be sorry. Unless you never get caught or have no conscience.
[Let me know if you need more help on this one. I'm being serious - I'm not sure that idea is expressed very clearly. Let me know what you think.]
#2 IF you are talking to the right person, please don't bother hiding behind a prayer request unless you are ready to dedicate time everyday to pray specifically for that person...
AND you are ready to respond to anything God might direct you to do or change as a result of that prayer...
AND you are ready to follow up and continue give your time, talent and treasure to care for this person and others in the days, weeks, months and years to come.
(this could be just the beginning. and that could be a very good thing for all involved. praying for other people is good - and it's very nice to say so. just don't offer be a counterfeiter, that's all.)
#3 IF you are talking to the right person, listen much and speak little. Smile, looked concerned or whatever facial expression seems most appropriate to you at the time and nod. Repeat. Do the same tomorrow.
Offer brief, honest expressions of your sympathy and concern. (eg. "wow - that must have been hard for you." "oh, I'm so sorry." etc.) This does not imply your absolute support for everything she has said or done or everything that has happened. It may just communicate your love and concern. Learn real sympathy - to suffer with your friend.
Earn the right to be heard by respecting your friend's sadness, grief, anxiety, care, burden, anger, humiliation, whatever-it-is. Over time. If you are really listening, it's not your turn to talk yet. She'll let you know - probably a little at a time.
#4 IF you are talking to the right person, be prepared to never speak of it again. To anyone.
That's what confidentiality really means. Look it up if you don't believe me.
[Don't bother me with obvious exceptions: when a person is threatening to hurt themselves or others; other illegal activity. Really? how often is this going to happen in a regular person's lifetime?]
If you really, really want to tell someone else - go ask the right person for permission to tell their story to _____________ (insert name of person you want to tell). I think this includes your spouse.
If you want to be able to use your own judgment about whom you tell, then ask the right person for permission to tell anyone you choose. Really. And use those exact words when you ask. "Is it OK to tell anyone I want? For any reason I think is a good one?"
So I get pretty worked up about this subject. Please, please don't be offended just take anything that's useful to you and leave the rest on the floor. I have been talked about plenty and have certainly done my share of talking. I did it this week, in fact. I'm trying to do better.
For me, that just means talking to the right person. It seems harder, but it's really so much easier. And right-er. And more useful. And more Love.
~L
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
wordless wednesday: galilee
Israel 2007
Sea of Galilee from Mount of Beatitudes
Phil & I didn't get to travel a lot together, but we were so blessed to visit Israel as hosts for a KFNW radio tour. The week ended in Jerusalem, saving the sites of Jesus' passion for Friday & Saturday. This is probably why I especially think of this tour during Holy Week.
On Wednesday we visited the traditional site of the Sermon on the Mount. I truly could have spent the entire day here, it was so peaceful, so beautiful. Find Jesus' good words preached on a hillside like this in the gospel of Matthew, chapter 5.
ps. I thought about cropping that railing out of the photo, but I'm quite famous in our family for photographing railings of all kinds - especially bridge railings. I just couldn't take it out!
pss. Sorry so many words in my Wordless Wednesday!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
what a pain
For many years (at least 16) I've been dealing with a strange constellation of symptoms that have waxed and waned over the years but have generally become progressively more difficult over time. My primary symptoms include moderate to severe fatigue and generalized muscle & joint pain, including "trigger point" pain. I also have trouble with sleep, IBS, headaches, Raynaud's Syndrome in hands & feet), as well as memory and concentration problems. I have struggled with depression from time to time as well.
I have visited with many doctors over the years - even going as far as to travel to Louisiana to see a doctor who specializes in chronic fatigue diseases. He tested for many things and found a positive test for Lyme Disease as well as a boatload of allergies. I did a year of multiple antibiotic therapies and other treatments (including a very low sugar diet). I did get some better (and lost a LOT of weight! w00t!) - after a year the doctor recommended that I begin IV antibiotic therapy and that was the point at which long-distance doctoring got complicated (and expensive) and we decided to take a big step back.
Over the years doctors have suggested Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and chronic Lyme Disease (lots of controversy over whether the "chronic" part of that one exists or not). My symptoms are a pretty good fit for any or all. I'm pretty sure all are listed somewhere in my Permanent Record. We don't know what to call it! None of these are known to be life-threatening (although some would argue with me on the Lyme Disease) but they are chronic and typically require lifetime management. They can sometimes be quite limiting to disabling.
Whatever it is, I've had a pretty tough winter - for fatigue & pain especially. My digestive system got in the act as well - Dr Deb tested for an ulcer which I am disappointed to not have. I was hoping to finally have something I could blame on my teenagers! ;-)
Dr Deb (Walker) almost delivered 3 of my 4 children. (Kathryn was born in Minneapolis and Deb was out of town when Alex was born - I'm still getting over that.) She's been in Kenya the last 5 or 6 years - she has the heart of a missionary! Now she is back in practice here in town and I'm looking forward to working with her to find some additional symptom relief and wellness. To this point I have mostly avoided the pharmacy, but I think I'm ready to give some of the "new" meds a chance - let's see what science can do. :-)
Jeff is helping me stick to a (very) modified exercise plan - he is a good trainer and encourager. We're all working on a healthier diet. Reducing or eliminating some of the not-so-good for you stuff and increasing good stuff. Again, Jeff is amazing. And such a practical help.
When I was first sick, I more actively pursued an answer - mostly to rule out anything "worse." Then for many years I tried to ignore it - everybody in my life paid for the times I overloaded the schedule and just couldn't keep going. I have been more actively managing it in the last couple years. And we're trying to re-start my life now in a healthier, more realistic way to try to smooth out the ups and downs as much as possible. We open & looking for any tools we can use to make this easier.
Jeff was looking through the schedule for the Fargo Film Festival this week (I love this town!!) and he noticed an award-winning documentary showing twice this week: Under Our Skin. (also a FaceBook page) They are also having a special luncheon panel discussion with doctors and patients at noon on Thursday. I haven't been aware of anything quite like this in Fargo - so we're planning to go and hoping to learn something new.
I try not to talk about it too terribly much (mostly because once I start talking about ME I just don't know when to stop!!) because it is a constant and ongoing part of my life. And it is boring to me. And I really don't want to be a whiny, complaining person. Bleh.
As the kids say, "that's my story." That's where it's at for me right now.
I'm always surprised that anybody reads my electronic scribblings, but so gratified by your comments and encouragements. So thank you for letting me share our life with you - for caring about us and thinking about us and praying for us when you think of it.
~L
I have visited with many doctors over the years - even going as far as to travel to Louisiana to see a doctor who specializes in chronic fatigue diseases. He tested for many things and found a positive test for Lyme Disease as well as a boatload of allergies. I did a year of multiple antibiotic therapies and other treatments (including a very low sugar diet). I did get some better (and lost a LOT of weight! w00t!) - after a year the doctor recommended that I begin IV antibiotic therapy and that was the point at which long-distance doctoring got complicated (and expensive) and we decided to take a big step back.
Over the years doctors have suggested Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and chronic Lyme Disease (lots of controversy over whether the "chronic" part of that one exists or not). My symptoms are a pretty good fit for any or all. I'm pretty sure all are listed somewhere in my Permanent Record. We don't know what to call it! None of these are known to be life-threatening (although some would argue with me on the Lyme Disease) but they are chronic and typically require lifetime management. They can sometimes be quite limiting to disabling.
Whatever it is, I've had a pretty tough winter - for fatigue & pain especially. My digestive system got in the act as well - Dr Deb tested for an ulcer which I am disappointed to not have. I was hoping to finally have something I could blame on my teenagers! ;-)
Dr Deb (Walker) almost delivered 3 of my 4 children. (Kathryn was born in Minneapolis and Deb was out of town when Alex was born - I'm still getting over that.) She's been in Kenya the last 5 or 6 years - she has the heart of a missionary! Now she is back in practice here in town and I'm looking forward to working with her to find some additional symptom relief and wellness. To this point I have mostly avoided the pharmacy, but I think I'm ready to give some of the "new" meds a chance - let's see what science can do. :-)
Jeff is helping me stick to a (very) modified exercise plan - he is a good trainer and encourager. We're all working on a healthier diet. Reducing or eliminating some of the not-so-good for you stuff and increasing good stuff. Again, Jeff is amazing. And such a practical help.
When I was first sick, I more actively pursued an answer - mostly to rule out anything "worse." Then for many years I tried to ignore it - everybody in my life paid for the times I overloaded the schedule and just couldn't keep going. I have been more actively managing it in the last couple years. And we're trying to re-start my life now in a healthier, more realistic way to try to smooth out the ups and downs as much as possible. We open & looking for any tools we can use to make this easier.
Jeff was looking through the schedule for the Fargo Film Festival this week (I love this town!!) and he noticed an award-winning documentary showing twice this week: Under Our Skin. (also a FaceBook page) They are also having a special luncheon panel discussion with doctors and patients at noon on Thursday. I haven't been aware of anything quite like this in Fargo - so we're planning to go and hoping to learn something new.
I try not to talk about it too terribly much (mostly because once I start talking about ME I just don't know when to stop!!) because it is a constant and ongoing part of my life. And it is boring to me. And I really don't want to be a whiny, complaining person. Bleh.
As the kids say, "that's my story." That's where it's at for me right now.
I'm always surprised that anybody reads my electronic scribblings, but so gratified by your comments and encouragements. So thank you for letting me share our life with you - for caring about us and thinking about us and praying for us when you think of it.
~L
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